It seems the default isn’t happiness anyway!

Happiness is the mysterious ingredient of life that you can’t taste life without. Yet, you don’t actually know where to find it.
I would be lying if I said I knew what happiness is and how to get it. Pray, have friends, forgive, love, laugh, enjoy and whatever you do, do it hard. That is what I was told about happiness and how to get it. Yet, it seems much more complicated to be gained with a simple prescription.

Something seems to be wrong; I’m not supposed to be sad right now. Some would say this is ingratitude! Why are you complaining while you have nothing going wrong? Others would say your spiritual life must be down for this to happen. Others would say you need to have more fun. I don’t know. I really don’t know what my problem is. Is it my right to feel uncomfortable with life?

When you reach a point where you have nothing else to give, as if you been emptied all of a sudden, as if you’ve been bleeding for a while and now you came to a point when you faint, when you feel dizzy and weary. It seems by then that life has no meaning. It looks like nothing has a taste any more. Why don’t I feel prayers anymore, why don’t I love friends as I used to be, why do I seem so ungrateful, so doubtful to the simplest facts in my life. Thinking and rethinking and assessing my so called assumptions. Why doesn’t people’s care affect me? What turned those affections into a big load that I can’t carry any more?

When you feel like you don’t understand yourself anymore, yet you’re the one who always claimed that you know yourself.  When you question your honesty all of a sudden and you find that you’re done with acting. It all seems a great act that you don’t like your role in anymore.

Happiness is a mystery. Don’t believe easily that someone is leading a happy life. It seems that the default isn’t happiness anyway. May be I had a faulty concept from the beginning, may be this is my problem…